We'll draw a kindly veil over my own team's performance this season, but I would like to share with you my favourite passage of sport-related writing, which also happens to be, for my money,the most perfectly rendered colloquial strine (that's Australian) since The Sentimental Bloke:
‘If I’ve arksed youse boys once I’ve arksed youse a thousand times, don’t buggerise with the bloody ball on them flanks, kick the bugger up the bloody centre.’
Cracks me up, every time. That's from Phillip Gwynne's young adult novel, Deadly Unna?
My grandfather used to shout something similar at almost every match: "Don't handball it, son - kick it up the bloody middle!"
I've been known to yell it once or twice myself, at the telly.
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